It's a Given!
by Jemi Gr
Summary: [CATS fic] Chaos ensues when Mistoffelees and Rumpelteazer become a couple, and Electra doesn't seem to realize that different can sometimes be... nice.
1. Prologue: Into the Woods

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It's a Given!

Jemi Gr's Mistoffelees/Rumpelteazer Story.

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Dedicated fondly to "Teaser," the person who emailed T.B., and to all those who use unusual pairings in their fanfics everywhere. Sadly, I am not one of them. Mistoffelees and Electra forever!

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Prologue.

"Hey Electra!" cried an excited voice from behind the brown queen. "Lectra, Lectra, Lectra, guess what!"  
"What?" Electra asked her best friend as she turned around to face her, torn between amusement and annoyance. "What's the matter?"

"Guess who the Junkyard's newest couple is!" said Etcetera with an excited squeal. Electra rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on, guess!" cried the tabby kitten, lightly hitting her best friend with the back of one striped paw. "It's no fun if you don't!"

"Alright… uh… Tugger and Demeter," said Electra, rolling her eyes again.

"Would I _really _be so excited about Tugger hooking up with someone who isn't ME?!?" cried Etcetera. "And besides, Tugger's with Bomba – duh. Everyone knows that."

Electra sighed. "Alrighty then, Alonzo and… uh… Jemima."

Etcetera laughed. "No, silly, Alonzo's with _Cassandra_, duh."

"Fine, then," cried Electra exasperatedly. "Who is it?"

Etcetera grinned madly. "Mistoffelees and Rumpelteazer! Isn't that _great_? They're _so _cute together."

Electra's jaw dropped. "You're kidding me. Misto… and… and… Teazer?!?"

"I'm not kidding!" cried Etcetera, stilling grinning broadly and now bobbing up and down as well. "I saw them myself. They were-" she paused for dramatic effect and lowered her voice "-kissing."

"Ew!" shrieked Electra. "That's CRAZY!"

"I know," said Etcetera, laughing. "Who on this great green earth would want to kiss _Mistoffelees_?" 

"Forget that!" cried Electra. "Have they both gone _mad_?!? They don't belong together, they're complete opposites! And besides, _Mungo_ belongs with Teazer and _Vicki _belongs with Misto – it's a given!"

"I know, isn't it crazy?" said Etcetera with a mischievous grin. "I mean, Vicki and Misto are like peanut butter and jelly, and Mungo and Teazer are two peas in a pod."

"And NOTHING good can happen you mix jelly and peas!" cried Electra frantically.

"Hey, calm down," said Etcetera. "It's no big deal. They'll realize how awful they are for each other and break up eventually."

"Eventually? EVENTUALLY?!? We can't wait until eventually!" yelled Electra, now jumping for emphasis. "We have to stop this _now_, before the little amount of order there was in the Junkyard is lost!"

"It's not _that_ big of a deal," said Etcetera, now staring strangely at her best friend.

"Not that big of deal?!?" cried Electra. "Not that big of a deal?!? Etcy, do you know what this means?" Etcetera shook her head no, and Electra took a deep breath. "For as long as toms stopped having cooties, the Jellicles have been paired up in perfect matches. Munkustrap and Demeter. Alonzo and Cassandra. Pouncival and Jemima. Jennyanydots and Skimbleshanks. Tugger and Bomba!"

"They're not perfect!" interrupted Etcetera, but Electra silenced her with a sharp "Shut up!"

The brown queen cleared her throat and continued. "Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer! Mistoffelees and Victoria! It's always been that way! But now… that Misto and Teazer have hooked up… what will become of Mungo and Vicki? What will they do? Where will they go?"

"I think you're overreacting," said Etcetera, raising her eyebrows.

"No, I'm not!" cried Electra. "Mungo and Vicki will just have to find _new_ mates. Let's say Vicki hooks up with Pouncival and Mungo hooks up with Cassandra. Fine, right? WRONG! Then Jemima and Alonzo are left without mates, and they're mad at Vicki and Mungo, who are mad at Misto and Teazer! So then Jemi and Alonzo have to go find new mates, breaking up even _more_ couples, breaking even _more_ hearts, and getting even _more_ cats mad at them – and soon, the _entire Junkyard _is heartbroken and pissed off at each other! And then we'll all leave, and then the Junkyard will be _abandoned_, and then some stupid human contractors will come and build a _Starbucks_ or something-"

"But I _like_ cappuccino," protested Etcetera.

"Hmm. That explains a lot," said Electra thoughtfully, but not before giving Etcetera her patented Death Glare (TM). 

"Alright, alright, I see where you're coming from," said Etcetera. "Well, actually, I _don't_, but I understand that you're upset, and when her best friend is upset, Etcy doesn't rest till it's all better!"

Electra smiled. "Thanks, Etcetera."

The tabby kitten smiled back at her. "So… do we have plan?"

The brown queen's sweet smile quickly turned to a sinister one. "Oh, yes, you bet you're fur we've got a plan…"

TO BE CONTINUED.

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Author's Note: Well, it seemed a lot longer in my notebook… *sheepish* Sorry it's so short, guys, but keep in mind it is only the prologue. I'll try to break a thousand on the next chapter, which might not be up for awhile due to Jemi getting a lead in the school production of "Into the Woods." (okay, so it's not a lead – but I do sing! By myself! Though, only about five lines – but still!)

-jemi gr 1-27-03


	2. A Plan is Formed, cheese is good

**Author's Notes: **Alrighty everybody, haven't updated this for awhile, hmmm.  Anyhoo, slight, slight, slight language in this chapter, but nothing to get your pantaloons in a tangle.  Also, Leccy's song at the end is from Into the Woods, therefore I do not own it.  I don't own Cats, either, by the way.  La de da.

*~*

**The Planning Stage.**

Being the first part of It's A Given 

_By Jemi Gr, in case you were wondering_

"_This_ is your plan?" said Etcetera, raising an eyebrow and staring at her friend with a mixture of amusement and concern.  

"Yes," said Electra proudly, stepping back to admire her work – a basket draped with massive amounts of red yarn.  "Beautiful, dontcha think?"

"Um… what is it?" inquired Etcetera.

Electra rolled her eyes, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world.  "It's a basket covered in yarn, genius."

"I can see that," said Etcetera exasperatedly.  "But what are we going to _do_ with it?  How in the world are a basket and some yarn going to break up Misto and Teazer?"

"Simple," said Electra with a smile.  "We just follow them around everywhere, and whenever they start to kiss, we drop it on their heads!"

"You've got to be kidding me," sighed Etcetera, rubbing her striped forehead anxiously.

Electra ignored her and went on.  "Eventually, they'll realize that whenever they kiss, they get a basket dropped on their heads, and then eventually they'll stop kissing, because who wants a basket dropped on their heads all the time?  Anyway, soon they'll break up and go back to their perfect matches because they can't kiss each other!  It's the perfect plan!"

"Um… Leccy?" said Etcetera, raising her head a little.  "Love isn't all about kissing, you know."

"Then what is it about, Ms. Smarty Pants?" said Electra smugly, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Well, it's about love… and stuff," said Etcetera.

"Love, which is personified by kissing!" cried Electra.  "I mean, how are they going to tell each other that they love one another _if they can't kiss?!?_"

"Gee, I don't know…" said Etcetera sarcastically, rolling her eyes.  "Maybe by saying _I love you _or something?"

Electra huffed.  "Fine, then, we'll drop the basket on their heads whenever they do that to."

"Another thing," said Etcetera.  "How do you plan to drop the basket on their heads anyway?  Levitate above them?  Hitch a ride from the sparrow?  Move to the Jellicle Moon?  Ask for special permission to go the Heaviside Layer?"

"Alright, fine!" cried Electra, throwing her paws up in defeat.  "We'll come up with a new plan, okay?"

Etcetera smirked.

"This time," said Electra, a smirk growing on her face as well, "we'll go for the sympathy angle…"

*~*

"All I'm asking you to do," said Electra to the male half of the Notorious Duo, "is write a little letter to Teazer telling her to break up with Misto and hook back up with you!"

"An' _why _woul' Oi do a thin' loike that?" asked Mungojerrie smugly.

"Dontcha miss her, Mungo?" cried Electra.

"Uh… no' really," confessed the tom.

"But you two belong together!  Two peas in a pod, remember?" sighed Electra dramatically.

"Oh, me an' Teaza're still two peas in a pod," said Mungojerrie.  "O'ly now, their diff'rent kindsa peas.  It ain't no big thing, Lec – we're still frien's."

"_Friends!_  I scoff in your general direction!" said Electra.  "Scoff!  Scoff!  Don't make me explain how her _relationship_ with Misto well affect our entire well-being!"  
  


"Yes, please, don't make her," chimed in Etcetera.

"Well, alroight, Oi spose Oi could write ya a letter of some sor' ta give ta Teaza'," said Mungojerrie, shrugging.  "But _please _don' go too far with this – Teaza's happy with Misto an' all Oi wont is fo' Teaza' ta be happy."

"Awwwww," swooned the two young queens.

"Don't you worry, Mungo, Teazer will be the happiest queen alive when she's back in the arms of her _proper_ mate," sighed Electra.  "Now get to work on that letter, quickly!  We haven't got all year."

"Yes, ma'am," said Mungojerrie, rolling his eyes and retreating back into the darkness of his box.

"Now, onward to Victoria!" cried Electra.  "Come on, cats, march!  March!  March!"

*~*

"You can't be serious," said Victoria lazily, yawning and preening herself absentmindedly.  

"But you like him a little at least, right?" cried Electra.  "And surely you want him back?  You dated him for a while, right?  Don't you miss him?"

"I _don't_ like him, I _don't_ miss him, and I sure as hell don't want him back," said Victoria in the same uninterested tone.  "Everlasting cat, we were awful together!  How can you even suggest it?"

"But you BELONG together!" said Electra.  "I mean, he's the black cat and you're the white cat.  Do you think that's a coincidence?"

"He's not all black!" said Victoria indignantly.  "Besides, you can't pair cats because their fur is complementary.  That's immature and juvenile."

"No, it's artistic," shot Electra.  "Something you're obviously not because you're too mature to be creative."

"I'd rather be mature than ridiculous."

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"Just because you're to ignorant to know what it means doesn't mean it doesn't make sense."

"Just because I don't know what it means doesn't mean I can't pound your stupid white fur into the dirt!"

"Just because you're stupid and juvenile doesn't mean you should  beat me up!"  
  


"Oh yeah?  Says who?"

"Says me, you dimwit!"

"QUIET!" yelled Etcetera.  "You are BOTH immature and juvenile!  Leccy, let's go.  We got Mungojerrie to write Teazer a letter, so it doesn't matter.  It'll just end up that Teazer breaks Misto's heart instead of it being a mutual thing."

"Wait a minute!" cried Victoria anxiously.  "How DARE you try to break my wee lil' Misto-poo's heart!  How dare you!"

"His heart won't be broken if you write him a letter telling him you still love him and you want him to break up with Teazer and get back with you," said Electra, smiling slyly.

Victoria huffed.  "Alright, fine, I'll do it," she grumbled.

"Great," said Electra, grinning.  "Get that letter to us as soon as you can, m'kay?"

"Whatever," said Victoria, slinking away.

Electra's grin of happiness slipped into a mischievous one.  "Good save, Etcy.  I was worried for a minute that she wouldn't do it."

Etcetera smiled humbly.  "No big deal."

Electra continued to grin.  "I feel a musical number coming on…!"

Etcetera's smile faded and she rolled her eyed.  "Leccy, please no…"

"_It takes one… to begin, but then once you've begun… it takes two of you…_"

Electra's voice and Etcetera's shrieks of amusement and annoyance faded off into the distance as the two kittens ran around the Junkyard energetically, completely unaware that their every move was being observed by a certain Jellicle who was _not_ amused at all.

*~*

Author's Note: Dun dun dun!

-jemi gr


	3. Plan Execution, cheeeeese

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Plan Execution

being the second part of It's a Given'

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still by jemi gr.

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Author's Note: Again, sorry about the lack of update-y-ness going on with this fic. Apologies all around.

This chapter is significantly less fluffy than other chapters, but don't worry folks: the fluffy nonsense will be back in the third and final part.

All relevant disclaimers apply.

"My Dearest, Darlingest Misto-poo:

Why, oh why did thee ever leave me, my sweetheart, my muffinkins? Don't thee know how I pine for thee? Seeing thee with that Queen-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named breaks mine heart more than I can possibly say. Doesn't thou see it, honeybunch? Doesn't thou see my heart tearing in two before thou's own eyes? Yes, thou do, but thou turneth away. Thou ignores my agony. Alas! I suppose thou and I were just not meant to be.

I beg that thou follows thou heart, and I pray that thou's heart leads to me.

Your Ever-Loving,

Victoria."

Electra snorted with glee as she re-folded the letter in her paws and placed it back in its pink envelope. "What a sap! Honestly! Does she really think Misto will go for that?"

"I thought it was poetic," said Etcetera, crossing her arms with a defiant hmph.' "She must really miss him."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," said Electra. "We're not trying to get Vic her mate back, we're trying to save the world as we know it! You've got to get your priorities straight, Etcetera. Now, where's the letter from Mungojerrie?"

"Right here," said Etcetera. "Want me to read it to you?"

"Yes, please do."

"Alright." Etcetera carefully unfolded the piece of paper, cleared her throat, and read aloud:

"Dear Rumpelteazer,

I don't know how to say this, but I miss you. All I want is for you to be happy, but I don't know. I think I'm still in love with you, Teaz we need to talk. Soon.

Mungojerrie."

"Now **that's** a letter," Electra exclaimed proudly. "Only a heartless idiot wouldn't be moved by that."

Etcetera shrugged. "I don't know, it doesn't do much for me." She stopped, and her eyes widened. "Does that make me a heartless idiot?"

Electra rolled her eyes. "Yes. Now let's go."

"Go? Go where?" whined the other queen.

"To deliver the letter, doofus, now let's go."

"But you just called me a heartless idiot. I think I need to mope for awhile longer."

Electra sighed impatiently. "You're not a heartless idiot, Etcy. Better?"

A grin spread across Etcetera's face. "Better."

"Good. Let's go."

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"Urgh Misto?"

The black and white tom turned his head to see his beloved mate, Rumpelteazer, standing behind him with her paws behind her back and a puzzled expression on her face. "Yes?" he asked.

"Umm Oi don' know how ta say this" began Rumpelteazer nervously, flicking her tail around behind her, "but um Oi got a letta' today that Oi think belongs ta 'oo"

"What?" asked Mistoffeless, wrinkling his eyebrows in confusion. "Let me see it."

Rumpelteazer slowly extended one paw that was clutching a pink envelope out towards the magician. He cautiously took it, as if it was some kind of bomb that might explode in his face, and studied the broken seal with interest. "You read it?"

She nodded slowly. "Yeah Oi'm sorry, Misto, but Oi couldn't help it. It's from oh, Everlastin' Cat, it's from Vic"

"Victoria?" said Mistoffelees. Rumpelteazer nodded. "What does she want?"

"Find ou' fo' yourself," responded the striped queen bitterly.

"Al alright," Mistoffelees replied tentatively before reaching one white paw into the envelope. Rumpelteazer watched him carefully, but not one hint of emotion crept onto her mate's face; not relief, not disgust. Inwardly, she sighed.

"Well, that's quite a letter," he said when he was finished. "Coincidentally, I have a very similar one here from Mungojerrie to you. It's remarkably similar, in fact only he uses less thou's."

"Really? A letta' from Mungo? Ta me?" exclaimed Rumpelteazer, and Mistoffelees's heart dropped as he noticed her eyes light up. "Lemme see it!"

He handed her the letter, and she impatiently ripped it from its envelope and scanned it. When she had finished, she looked up with shocked eyes at the tom in front of her.

"Oi need ta go talk ta im," she whispered as she studied Mistoffelees with widened eyes. "Oi'm sorry, Misto." She dropped the letter in the dust at his feet and raced off.

Mistoffelees sighed. "Yeah. Me too."

From behind a pile of nearby junk, Electra and Etcetera exchanged high fives as Mistoffelees sauntered off gloomily. "Switching the letters! Inducing confrontation! Brilliant touch!" cried Etcetera.

"Yes, I thought so myself," said Electra with a smug grin.

Their celebration didn't last much longer than that, however. "I **hope** you're happy!" screeched a voice from the top of the junkpile they were hiding behind.

"Jemima?" cried Etcetera.

"What are you doing up there?" Electra yelled to her.

Jemima huffed, and leaped down from the pile to the clearing where the other two queens sat. "They were really happy, you know. They really liked each other. But you two just had to go and ruin it for them!"

Electra rolled her eyes. "Look, Jemima, they may be a little sad now, but they'll get over it, and two sad and despairing cats is better than an entire Junkyard full of them. They don't belong together."

"How do you know?" countered Jemima fiercely.

Etcetera peered at Electra thoughtfully. "Yeah, Leccy, how **do** you know?"

"Because because that's the way it's always been! Misto and Vicki, Vicki and Misto! Mungo and Teazer, Teazer and Mungo! **It's a given**!"

"Look, Electra, love isn't predictable," said Jemima. "That's what makes it so exciting! Maybe you're right, maybe Rumpelteazer and Mistoffelees **aren't** meant to be together, but what if they are? You don't know with love, Electra, and you just have to let them find out on their own. You can't just find your soulmate right away, in a split second, you have to try different things, take some chances! And most importantly, you have to do it without the aid of two meddling kittens who know nothing about real love!" She stopped her ranting for a moment, and looked at the two of them with a mixture of anger and disappointment. "I can't believe you two," she muttered, looking Electra squarely in the eyes. "I'm leaving."

"Fine," whispered Electra. She wanted to shout it, but her throat wasn't cooperating. She wanted to be angry, not hurt, but the tears welling up at the corners of her eyes didn't listen.

"Well?" said Etcetera quietly once Jemima was gone.

"I think we made a big mistake," responded Electra. She looked over at her friend, and a silent decision was made. "Let's go."


End file.
